The decision to confront an alcoholic is never an easy one to make. The most important thing is you should never attempt it when the alcoholic is currently under the influence of alcohol. The confrontation should be planned when he or she is sober. Confronting an alcoholic is sometimes called an intervention and must be carefully planned according to recommended expert guidelines, preferably those issued by a knowledgeable organization like Al-Anon which is the support group for family members of alcoholics. Also, prior to confronting an alcoholic, you should check with the person’s doctor or a specialist in treating alcoholic disorders to determine how to prepare yourself and any others who might be helping you to confront a drinker about whom you are concerned. We have listed nine tips that may be helpful in preparing for an intervention.

Instead of formulating a confrontation plan on your own, see what the experts advise by talking to the Al-Anon association in your area. People there can advise you how to plan the intervention, and provide useful resources and information, too. If Al-Anon is unavailable in your area, make an appointment with a licensed therapist, counselor, or psychologist to discuss the nature of the problem and how it might best be approached. Although confronting an alcoholic can be similar in many respects for many families, it is a good idea to clarify unique circumstances or personal characteristics that could make a difference on the outcome.

It can be tempting to criticize the alcoholic for being intoxicated yet again when someone you care about comes home drunk. This does not help the situation as the drunk will usually tune out the criticism for the time being, or forget about it the next day, when sober, and thus be unable to do anything about it. It is vital to talk to the person when they are sober, and hopefully in a reasonable frame of mind to hear your concerns. If you find that no spontaneous opportunities occur, you can attempt to schedule a talk after dinner or at another time when the two of you can be uninterrupted.

Those who help can be other relatives, close friends, or even members of Al-Anon with whom you have become acquainted. It may be helpful to find someone who has been in an intervention as they will know what problems may occur and how to handle them if they arise. However, bringing in a stranger may backfire as the alcoholic may become upset that you have brought in someone they are unfamiliar with. But that will depend on you and the circumstances surrounding the person who drinks too much, as well as professional opinions about the situation.

You cannot be weak or indirect when confronting an alcoholic. You must use a matter-of-fact tone in your voice and simply state the cause and effect of the individual’s drinking. Use examples of the alcoholic’s troubled behaviors and the consequent results. Try to support your statements with dates, amounts of alcohol consumed, occurrences of negative behavior and even the amounts spent on drinking. It requires a lot of backbone to confront an alcoholic, so make sure to stand strong and firm. Stay calm and refer back to the facts should the alcoholic want to argue.

An alcoholic often learns how to sidestep responsibility and manipulate other people to disregard his misdeeds or cover for him at work or in public in order to continue his habits. If you find yourself enabling the drinking, the alcoholic may presume he can have his way again to get out of the intervention without making any changes. Part of an intervention’s impending success lies in the family member who leads it being able to change also. Ending the cycles that support the alcoholic’s drinking is essential in helping them overcome their problem. Never allow the alcoholic to defeat what you are trying to accomplish.

The need for a plan of recovery is coupled with confronting an alcoholic with the consequences of his behavior. Many of the existing support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon, can help with making arrangements for a problem drinker to enter a rehabilitation program, either onsite at a facility for this purpose, or as an outpatient in a local clinic or support group. There may be some cases in which a halfway house might be an appropriate alternative. It is important to find out ahead of time if a particular rehabilitation program will accept the person you are working with, and you must make preliminary arrangements for the person to be admitted immediately following the intervention. When talking with the facility make it clear that you cannot guarantee the drinker will enroll, much less stay with the program, unless he accepts the program as part of his new life of abstaining from drink.

It is an emotional process and if the alcoholic agrees to go into a rehab facility, friends and family must provide support and encouragement during the detoxification phase and rehabilitation program, which often involves patient and family counseling. Rehab can last anywhere between several days to several months. In general, most programs last 28 days or less, given our job and family responsibilities, and in some cases the rehabilitators can continue as a non-resident while resuming career and household responsibilities. Whichever way the program plays out, love, acceptance, and willingness to support changes in lifestyle can go a long way toward helping the alcoholic become successful in kicking the alcohol habit.

Remember that family members living with an alcoholic must be willing to take responsibility for their own behaviors and make necessary changes themselves. Adjustments might consist of refusing to cover for an alcoholic’s incapability to go to work by reporting him absent, paying bills that the drinker should pay when he has spent his paycheck for alcoholic drinks, and letting the alcoholic mistreat or intimidate the family by acts of thoughtlessness or hostility. Sobriety can many times make life harder for the drinker and his family while everyone adjusts to new rules and learns how to follow through consistently. Some ex-drinkers can be ill- tempered, challenging, and irritable, while others might act guilty, humiliated, or remorseful.

After the intervention you may not see automatic results. The drinker may show indecision between agreeing to rehab and resisting it, or he may enter rehab but leave early or fall off the wagon after completing the program. No behavioral changes are guaranteed. After confronting an alcoholic, the only thing you can do is continue to hold your line and wait for the drinker’s response. That alone will determine the outcome of your intervention. If the drinker opts not to continue treatment or it proves unsuccessful, the family should continue to receive counseling and support as they make decisions about the future.

One of the hardest things to do is live with an alcoholic. Uncontrolled drinking creates problems that affect family members and friends for years. It is often difficult for relatives to disassociate themselves from the alcoholic and establish effective boundaries between his behavior and theirs to avoid unhealthy enmeshment. However, with education, professional support, and courageous beliefs, family members can learn to practice tough love when confronting an alcoholic to give that person a fair shot at recovery. An intervention may be the first step toward acknowledging a problem and doing something about it that can make a positive difference in the lives of a problem drinker and his loved ones.

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting and you feedback is always appreciated.