It isn’t easy to survive infidelity, and everyone has to find their own way to overcome and move on. You will confront frustration, pain and grief in your own way, and your experience will no doubt be different than my own. Still, perhaps there are a few things we can learn from one another about how to endure when your partner cheats and dumps you.

Treat yourself. This may be harder to do than it sounds. Treating yourself is a lesson in finding balance, especially if spending money is part of your “therapy.” If you let the loss of control you feel by being cheated on spill into how you manage your money, you could make yourself feel worse in the long run. One suggestion is to make or buy inexpensive items that you can attach significance to, like an enlarged black and white photo of a snowy landscape, or a necklace that represents an empowering emotion such as love, strength, integrity or honesty.

Remember that you are a worthy human being, and do not need someone else to make you complete. As much as I loved my ex boyfriend, I also have to recognize that I lost some of my own identity and values when I was with him. I have regained these by finding my own goals and inspiration again.

Remember, when you are at a loss for what to do if your mate cheats on you, your mate was the dishonest one. Being dishonest, first of all, by breaking your trust but more importantly by not being truthful about how they felt in the relationship. Let truth come to you.

Enjoy the little things that you have gained because of your break up. I can remember well the joy of being able to buy foods that my ex-boyfriend hated and refused to have in the house, or decorating my home with all of the touches that he thought trivial. He preferred the smell of his old socks to my essential oils; now I can have the home I always wanted.

Never forget that there are people in the world who can help you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your close family and friends, and don’t feel weak or guilty for leaning on them. This is when you discover the true meaning of friendship. If you have lost your social network in the break up, or don’t have many close relationships, seriously consider therapy or a support group.

This can be a time to discover new talents. I took up knitting after seeing an ad in my college newspaper. We sit, we knit, we laugh and we share. It has become my small sanctuary of camaraderie and calm.

I am getting to know myself more and more as I go through the process of mourning life after infidelity. Surviving an affair is a journey that can open many paths for growth. Take joy and comfort in carving your own road to healing. Once you have gained some perspective, you too can share what you have learned through your experience. The pain will subside, bringing about something beautiful in you if you let it.

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