By: Kenrick Cleveland

“Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.” –Holocaust Museum, Washington, DC

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” -The Bible

“Neither a victim nor a perpetrator be.” -Kenrick Cleveland

You know what bugs me? The victim mentality. If you’ve ever been in one of my classes or seminars, you’ve likely heard me go on a mini rant about it.

I decided to do a little research on this victim mentality and found an insane amount of resources out there for people who feel like victims–books, workshops, online classes, articles–all to coach people how not to be victims.

How did we get to this point? How did it become almost fashionable to be victimized?

I’ve noticed a lot of groups choose victimization over empowerment. Not everyone in that group, but enough for it to be noticeable. People talk about coming from a country with horrible poverty or having been a decedent of slaves. I’m not trying to be difficult with any one group, but simply noticing how we all really have ourselves to rely on at this point. Several years ago Bill Cosby gave a speech in which he had something to say about victimhood. The occasion was the 50th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision of Brown v. Board of Education. This was the famous ’separate but equal’ ruling. And in his speech, Mr. Cosby basically called on the black community to get it together and suggested that “the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.”

Some people considered this speech to be tough love. Others were angry that a prominent, rich man who had risen to the top of his field had began to “adopt the white man’s language” when talking to his “former” community. I see both sides to this. And I also happen to believe that a hand up is vital, but there has to be an expectation that with a hand up, people will continue to give hands up and attempt to stay up.

There’s also a point where people need to really get out of the negative cycles that have held them back. This is all people here, not just one ethnic group.

When we play the victim, we are giving up and believing we can’t change our situations. We’ve agreed to this destiny and accept it as being outside of our hands. This is an attempt to get an outside source to be responsible for us. And really, that’s not going to happen.

When we choose self control and dominion over victimhood, we open ourselves to many options previously unavailable to us.

Let’s all use the power of persuasion advantageously for ourselves and for the world. Let’s decide that our thoughts matter, our lives matter and we cannot depend on the rest of the world to save us. If we happen to get a hand up from time to time, great. Offer it in return wherever you can. But instead of waiting around for someone to act first, let’s act first. Let’s act first to save ourselves and the way we do that is by changing our thoughts such that we have responsibility.

Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of affluent clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies. Don’t reprint this article. Instead, reprint a free unique content version of this same article.

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